Day 21 – Courage to be IMperfect #30dreamdays #30daysofreal

“Perfect is an illusion, one that was created to maintain the status quo. The Six Sigma charade is largely about hiding from change, because change is never perfect. Change means reinvention, and until something is reinvented, we have no idea what the spec is.” ― Seth Godin, Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us

I struggled with perfectionism for a LONG time.  That’s mostly because for a long time I didn’t think it was a problem.  I was very proud of the flawless work I could deliver and it seemed to make everyone else happy too.

But there is a price.  I first noticed the cost when I was in my mid 20s.  I was seeing a therapist weekly trying to get a grasp on adult life as a full time mutual fund operations Assistant Vice President, a full time night student at Baruch College, a condo & car owner, commuter…need I say more?

I remember when my therapist got me to realize that the standards I was putting on myself were so high even I couldn’t achieve them.  From that point forward, I made progress and thought I had the whole perfectionism thing kicked.

Then came marriage, parenthood and business ownership all in the same year.  (Oh, and I moved from NY to CT at the same time so I was establishing ALL new relationships).  It took years before I realized that my perfectionism was back with a vengeance.

According to Brené Brown, “Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance in our grades, manners and appearance. Somewhere along the way, we adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. A ticker tape began to stream through our heads: Please. Perform. Perfect. ”

WOW!!! Does that sound familiar.  Please. Perform. Perfect.

Within 2 years of getting married I had over 100 new people (husband, kids, in-laws, clients, kids teachers) in my life and the ticker tape was flying all around me, all the time.  Please. Perform. Perfect.

It wasn’t until 2011 when I did most of my work with a Business/Life Coach that I realized how I had regressed into my “perfectionism” again.  I just thought my life was overwhelming.  What I found was that my life was full, rich and rewarding but covered with a heavy layer of perfectionism…and that is what made it overwhelming.  Who could have seen that coming?

Then early in 2012, I discovered Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame.  Things really started to turn around when I started to DIG DEEP and read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

My dream for me and for YOU, is that we let go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embrace who we are.

I am currently reinventing myself. I am changing.  It is a process of re-discovery and it’s a bit messy…and I’m OK with that.

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Day 15 – Reform Schools #30dreamdays

I have come to the conclusion that I am a budding Education Activist.   I hope through this post to inspire others to take a deeper look at how we educate our children and join the growing movement of people who believe that our whole method of educating kids has got to change.

If your child struggles in school, I urge you to read on, watch a few videos and reach out to me to start a conversation.

I was only drawn into this movement when my youngest daughter struggled so bad in school that I started researching ANYTHING that could help her.  What I found was that there are lots of outspoken people, including Bill & Melinda Gates, that believe that it is time for education reform on a massive scale.

The whole method of mainstream education in our country is built on  an outdated model meant to train people for the Industrial Age.  Here in the United States we are living in the Information Age and a Connection Economy.  The skills that are going to be most needed like creativity and critical thinking are not being cultivated as we continue to force kids to memorize stuff, regurgitate “right” answers and “learn” to take standardized tests.

I could go on and on…and I will undoubtedly make this at least a 2 part series…but I will end with this.

SETH GODIN – Excerpts from Stop Killing Dreams

“Go build something interesting and ask if you need help.  Why wouldn’t we want to teach our kids to go do something interesting?  Why wouldn’t we want to teach our kids to figure it out?”

Myth #1 – Great performance in school leads to happiness and success.

Myth #1 – Great parents have kids who produce great performance in school.

If these aren’t true, we should stop telling ourselves that they are…

Are we asking our kids to collect dots or connect dots?

If it’s work, people try to figure out how to do less. If it’s art, they try to figure out how to do more.

Watch the full video of Seth Godin’s “Stop Killing Dreams”…

I dream of a day where the stigma of Special Education will disappear because individualized or precise focused education becomes the norm and not the exception.

I dream of a day where all people will choose lifelong learning, not run from learning because they associate it with the awful experience they had at school.

(Photo Credit)

 

Inspiration: Seth Godin

Seth Godin
best selling author

Having decided to start my own 30 Dream Days Challenge on 8/28/13, I have repeatedly and for extended periods of time thought about the people who have pushed me to this point.  I use the word push because while they are inspirational no doubt, their mission is transparent and it is movement.  So I believe Seth Godin wouldn’t mind me calling him pushy 😉

I read somewhere recently on a blog about the power of writing fanmail (it was probably on Seth’s blog but I can’t be sure).  I have never been known to be a person to write thank you notes and have always wished (or dreamed?) that I was better at it.    I can fix that!  Tada…Fanmail Blog Post!

Why did I choose Seth Godin first?

Because he is the only blogger I have read daily.   I’ve been reading his blog daily for about 10 months, more or less.   I’ve also read a few of his books (all on Audible because I love that he narrates his own books).   And so it is Seth Godin more than any other person (aside from God) who has PUSHED me to whimsically pursue 30 days of dreaming publicly believing that I…Nicole Colter…a wife, mom, and lowly business owner in Eastern CT could start a Movement of Dreamers.   Visionary Dreamers like Reverand Martin Luther King, Jr.

Who AM I to think I could do this?

I’m glad you ask.  The best way I can answer that is to refer you to my favorite quote from Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson

If you are not following Seth’s blog, your loss.   As for me, it is one of the first things I do in the morning, EVERY morning.

Thanks Seth!