Tag Archives: Brené Brown

Day 21 – Courage to be IMperfect #30dreamdays #30daysofreal

17 Sep

IMperfect

“Perfect is an illusion, one that was created to maintain the status quo. The Six Sigma charade is largely about hiding from change, because change is never perfect. Change means reinvention, and until something is reinvented, we have no idea what the spec is.” ― Seth Godin, Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us

I struggled with perfectionism for a LONG time.  That’s mostly because for a long time I didn’t think it was a problem.  I was very proud of the flawless work I could deliver and it seemed to make everyone else happy too.

But there is a price.  I first noticed the cost when I was in my mid 20s.  I was seeing a therapist weekly trying to get a grasp on adult life as a full time mutual fund operations Assistant Vice President, a full time night student at Baruch College, a condo & car owner, commuter…need I say more?

I remember when my therapist got me to realize that the standards I was putting on myself were so high even I couldn’t achieve them.  From that point forward, I made progress and thought I had the whole perfectionism thing kicked.

Then came marriage, parenthood and business ownership all in the same year.  (Oh, and I moved from NY to CT at the same time so I was establishing ALL new relationships).  It took years before I realized that my perfectionism was back with a vengeance.

According to Brené Brown, “Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance in our grades, manners and appearance. Somewhere along the way, we adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. A ticker tape began to stream through our heads: Please. Perform. Perfect. ”

WOW!!! Does that sound familiar.  Please. Perform. Perfect.

Within 2 years of getting married I had over 100 new people (husband, kids, in-laws, clients, kids teachers) in my life and the ticker tape was flying all around me, all the time.  Please. Perform. Perfect.

It wasn’t until 2011 when I did most of my work with a Business/Life Coach that I realized how I had regressed into my “perfectionism” again.  I just thought my life was overwhelming.  What I found was that my life was full, rich and rewarding but covered with a heavy layer of perfectionism…and that is what made it overwhelming.  Who could have seen that coming?

Then early in 2012, I discovered Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame.  Things really started to turn around when I started to DIG DEEP and read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

My dream for me and for YOU, is that we let go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embrace who we are.

I am currently reinventing myself. I am changing.  It is a process of re-discovery and it’s a bit messy…and I’m OK with that.

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