Day 22 – Live a Better Story #30dreamdays

I really LOVE learning.  I currently do most of it on my own, through research and reading.  But I really enjoy conferences.   Part of it is the gathering of like-minded people that makes for great conversations and new friendships and powerful connections.  Part of it is definitely the learning and inspiration of the speakers and sessions.  Part of it is just getting away from it all which is like a mini vacation of sorts.

My husband & I went to Punta Cana last December with some  friends and while I was there I read, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story by Donald Miller.  This was the 2nd or 3rd book I read by Donald Miller but it was by far my favorite.

Needless to say I was excited when I saw that Donald Miller decided to start a Storyline Conference and have been trying to figure out a way to get myself to Nashville, TN on Oct 12-13 and realized today that the event in Nashville is sold out and so the closest one is now in San Diego.  (Sad face)  There’s always next year.

My dream, however, is that I will choose to live a better story regardless.   That I will be consistently aware of the fact that each day, with each choice, I am writing my story and that I get to choose how I show up and what I do.   I am the hero of my own story.  Just thinking about my life that way makes me see things a little differently.

Do you realize you are writing your own story?  That your choices and mindsets dictate what comes next?

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Day 21 – Courage to be IMperfect #30dreamdays #30daysofreal

“Perfect is an illusion, one that was created to maintain the status quo. The Six Sigma charade is largely about hiding from change, because change is never perfect. Change means reinvention, and until something is reinvented, we have no idea what the spec is.” ― Seth Godin, Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us

I struggled with perfectionism for a LONG time.  That’s mostly because for a long time I didn’t think it was a problem.  I was very proud of the flawless work I could deliver and it seemed to make everyone else happy too.

But there is a price.  I first noticed the cost when I was in my mid 20s.  I was seeing a therapist weekly trying to get a grasp on adult life as a full time mutual fund operations Assistant Vice President, a full time night student at Baruch College, a condo & car owner, commuter…need I say more?

I remember when my therapist got me to realize that the standards I was putting on myself were so high even I couldn’t achieve them.  From that point forward, I made progress and thought I had the whole perfectionism thing kicked.

Then came marriage, parenthood and business ownership all in the same year.  (Oh, and I moved from NY to CT at the same time so I was establishing ALL new relationships).  It took years before I realized that my perfectionism was back with a vengeance.

According to Brené Brown, “Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance in our grades, manners and appearance. Somewhere along the way, we adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. A ticker tape began to stream through our heads: Please. Perform. Perfect. ”

WOW!!! Does that sound familiar.  Please. Perform. Perfect.

Within 2 years of getting married I had over 100 new people (husband, kids, in-laws, clients, kids teachers) in my life and the ticker tape was flying all around me, all the time.  Please. Perform. Perfect.

It wasn’t until 2011 when I did most of my work with a Business/Life Coach that I realized how I had regressed into my “perfectionism” again.  I just thought my life was overwhelming.  What I found was that my life was full, rich and rewarding but covered with a heavy layer of perfectionism…and that is what made it overwhelming.  Who could have seen that coming?

Then early in 2012, I discovered Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame.  Things really started to turn around when I started to DIG DEEP and read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

My dream for me and for YOU, is that we let go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embrace who we are.

I am currently reinventing myself. I am changing.  It is a process of re-discovery and it’s a bit messy…and I’m OK with that.

Day 20 – Excessive Generosity #30dreamdays

My husband & I believe in tithing and we also try to give above and beyond our tithe.  We recently went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (FPU) and Legacy Journey and got a really good perspective on giving.

I love Dave Ramsey’s message that says:  “If you will live like no one else, then later you get to LIVE like no one else!”  He repeats this many times throughout the FPU class and the quote frequently ends with “later you get to LIVE and GIVE like no one else!”  I like that one better.

I dream of a day when I am so blessed that I can live off 10% of my income and give 90% of it away.  I can’t take it with me, can I?  And if you haven’t noticed, I am passionate about a lot of things and would love to help make big differences in the movements that are advancing the causes I believe in.

I want to be a social-entrepreneur like Jeff Shinabarger,  author of More or Less: Choosing a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity and founder of Plywood People among other creative charitable endeavors.   I also admire Dale Partridge, the 28 year old entrepreneur & CEO of Sevenly.  I could go on and on, but you get the point…I hope.

However, I would also love to be able to secretly bless random people.  You know, like the single mom at church who you know is struggling.  Or the college student who is working hard and taking loans just trying to position themselves to be successful in the future.  Or what about the elderly woman you know living alone on a small social security check.   We all know people like these.

For now I will commit to reading Jeff’s More or Less book and figuring out in my own life right now “what is enough?”

Inspiration: Seth Godin

Seth Godin
best selling author

Having decided to start my own 30 Dream Days Challenge on 8/28/13, I have repeatedly and for extended periods of time thought about the people who have pushed me to this point.  I use the word push because while they are inspirational no doubt, their mission is transparent and it is movement.  So I believe Seth Godin wouldn’t mind me calling him pushy 😉

I read somewhere recently on a blog about the power of writing fanmail (it was probably on Seth’s blog but I can’t be sure).  I have never been known to be a person to write thank you notes and have always wished (or dreamed?) that I was better at it.    I can fix that!  Tada…Fanmail Blog Post!

Why did I choose Seth Godin first?

Because he is the only blogger I have read daily.   I’ve been reading his blog daily for about 10 months, more or less.   I’ve also read a few of his books (all on Audible because I love that he narrates his own books).   And so it is Seth Godin more than any other person (aside from God) who has PUSHED me to whimsically pursue 30 days of dreaming publicly believing that I…Nicole Colter…a wife, mom, and lowly business owner in Eastern CT could start a Movement of Dreamers.   Visionary Dreamers like Reverand Martin Luther King, Jr.

Who AM I to think I could do this?

I’m glad you ask.  The best way I can answer that is to refer you to my favorite quote from Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson

If you are not following Seth’s blog, your loss.   As for me, it is one of the first things I do in the morning, EVERY morning.

Thanks Seth!

Trending: #quotes

Because this is impossible to read, I’ve copied the text into this blog post

I posted the photo to the right on my personal Facebook page just now with the comment:  Foreshadowing…

I only decided to look for my own Facebook quotes when I was writing my first Inspiration post (will publish that later today) and I needed to access the Marianne Williamson quote.  So I went to my own Facebook quotes and realized how telling these quotes really were, especially since I had already decided on my Day 6 Dream which was born out of watching Randy Pausch’s last lecture today for the first time in 4 years.

So here are ALL of the quotes currently on my Facebook About Me page:

The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people. –Randy Pausch

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others. —Marianne Williamson

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” ~Henry David Thoreau

“Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.” ~proverb

4 Quotes…that’s all she wrote

So this post is called Trending because the quotes we share or make our own in our About pages and profiles, they speak volumes about who we are or where we are at this moment.   And it is a bit of a case of which came first, the quote or the result?  In my case, I think it is both.

I just started leading a Life Group at my church and I am excited to start examining our lives and where we are going and letting others KNOW me on a deeper level.  I originally wrote that sentence as “getting to know each other on a deeper level” and then I realized I can only control what I do.  I can only choose to let myself be seen.  I can’t control whether I can really see anyone else.  They control that.  I just pray that by being so transparent, I “unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

#BKNOWN

 

Day 4 – UNdenial – #30dreamdays

Is it possible for us to truly live in UNdenial?

This evening I’ve been confronted with DENIAL.  Not my own of course 😉 JK

It started around 7:30pm when I read a Facebook post by my friend Deb Cwynar Miller who is a Life Coach, Precisely Yourself Life Coaching.  She has decided to take the 30 challenge and below is an excerpt from her “Daydream day 2 & 3” post:

“I’m going to ride this out and see at the end of the 30 days how many of those days I actually made it. I’m not looking for a copout, but I do have to ask myself…how true is it that I’m already living a life close enough to my dreams that I don’t feel the need to make it a priority?? OR am I allowing myself to get wrapped up in my to-do lists and not paying respect to the time I need to recharge?”

WOW!!!  That’s what I love most about Deb…she even calls herself to the carpet!  I won’t elaborate on the waves of acceptance and permission to ask for what you need that underlie her message but I will shamelessly take this opportunity to promote her as possibly the most authentic woman I know and an extremely talented Life Coach.  But I digress..

Then I sat down to read a copy of Psychology Today that has been sitting around only to realize that the whole issue is dedicated to “various forms of self-deception”.   I no sooner finished that and decided to take a little mental break and review my Facebook feed when I Am Second‘s post entitled “Miley Cyrus, Really So Offensive?” caught my attention.  I respect their Out of the Box Christian perspective so I dug in.  Lo and behold there is that stinking DENIAL message again!

So while this may not be in line with what I thought this #30dreamdays was about, I must be HONEST and say that I have a deep passionate desire (aka Dream) to live in UNdenial.

To constantly seek to know myself better and accept my faults and failures as well as my strengths and amazing abilities.   I want to have the same compassionate understanding of others as well.

I don’t want to repackage the messy stuff trying to make it “look prettier” to people who somewhere along the way I decided might judge me.  So what if they do?

To be comfortable with uncertainty and not try to control every outcome.

To do the work necessary to live my own authentic story without fear of doing it wrong .

(Photo credit)