Sitting down dreaming of being so surrounded by His presence that I have no hunger for anything else. I’ve been a “Christian” for more than 10 years but I have not been hungry for His presence. I’ve settled for less than God’s best because I didn’t do my part and seek Him.
If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14
I have not humbled myself. I have prayed but did I truly seek Him? I don’t think so. I’m repenting but I realize that it’s to be expected since I am only really coming to understand what that means. I could have read my Bible more. I could have attended more Sunday School classes. I could have done a lot of things. Maybe I would have gotten it before now.
Don’t get me wrong. I have a strong faith. I believe in God. I believe that Jesus was God’s son and died on a cross for our sins. I believe that He was resurrected and now lives inside me. I BELIEVE I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
But I have “believed” that in a way that has barely scratched the surface of what that means for ME…NOW.
I have lived off Fill Me Up by Jesus Culture for over a year now. As I’ve already stated in a prior blog, I have been asking God to move my heart through new songs. Quite honestly, listening to worship songs is another one of the things I could have done more of.
God has made it clear to me that I am to live my faith out loud. I trust Him. I believe that people reading this in October 2013 and for years to come will need to see how people wrestle with God. How we chase Him and then get sidetracked by a squirrel right before we catch Him and have no good stories to share other than it was a brown squirrel.
I know people of faith and people who want to believe in something…just not God or Jesus…need to hear that I didn’t want this either. I was minding my own business living my own life when I fell in love with a licensed minister. Really? With 3 young kids too? Does this sound like I went out looking for this?
Looking back I can see how God pursued me. I started realizing that a few years ago. I was so in awe of being pursued by Him. I was amazed at how perfect this ready made family was for ME that I made an Idol of my life and all that He had blessed me with.
He is showing me all this. I naturally fall into trying to figure out what to do with all this and then I realize that is me back at it…idolizing the puzzle solving skills that I have been blessed with instead of pressing in and seeking more of Him. More of His revelation. Do I not trust Him to continue to reveal this to me and help me work out what to do NOW with this knowledge? Why do I always resort back to “leaning on my own understanding” when All I Need is YOU, Lord.
30 Dream Days 
I really like this post. I appreciate how honestly you write about your faith. Humility, being humble, repentance…now there’s a few I, myself, could work on! Thank you for sharing.
Victoria…thanks for your comment. I actually really needed it right now as I am in the midst of leaning on my own understanding about yet another big decision and I will repent, yet again, and turn to prayer and the ONE who has all the answers.